Who, me?

By TAD BARTIMUS

When Wally and The Beav got themselves into trouble it was usually Eddie Haskell's fault. Always smiling, always egging on the brothers in "Leave It To Beaver" to do something they knew their parents disapproved of, Eddie was the silver-tongued snake in the suburban Garden of Eden.

Remember how Eddie always cozied up to Mom and Dad, talking as fast as he could out of both sides of his mouth? Remember how the adults always considered him a fine boy, so polite, so mannerly, so smart?

Poor Wally. Even though we knew he was the honest one he still came off looking like a boob. And The Beaver was, well, The Beaver. Even though we knew Eddie's arrival on the scene meant trouble, he livened things up and kept us interested.

We know Bill Clinton because we know Eddie Haskell. We know he's a chameleon charmer who cajoled, beguiled and manipulated anybody who could help him achieve his singular goal.

Eddie Haskell grew up to be Bill Clinton. And Bob Livingston. And Henry Hyde. And Newt Gingrich. And Richard Gephardt. The whole passel of Washington politicians now in such a high dudgeon over morality and ethics have spent most of their careers behaving like Eddie Haskell, starting back in high school when they charmed their teachers out of better grades than they deserved or blamed somebody else for their misdeeds.

Eddie Haskell was motivated by what was good for Eddie. He was not concerned about consequences to others. He shaved the truth. He let adults make excuses for his behavior and he manipulated his friends for his own advancement. The more he got away with it the more he believed he was exempt from the rules.

We all knew an Eddie Haskell. We liked to bask in the glow of his popularity but cringed when he came around because we knew he'd want something not quite moral, ethical, or legal. But we'd go along. Even when it went wrong we'd take the rap because Eddie would convince us it was all OUR fault.

Eddie was the one who got away with murder while making the teacher laugh. The one who cruised through college and got the girls, the one who used powerful mentors to move up the ladder, then cast them aside for even more powerful boosters. The one who persuaded us that HIS purpose, HIS goals, HIS needs were more important than ours, and that his ends justified his means.

We know Bill Clinton because we know Eddie Haskell. We know he's a chameleon charmer who cajoled, beguiled and manipulated anybody who could help him achieve his singular goal. We know he perfected the art of convincing himself, and often us, that black is white, old is young, rich is poor because it furthered his quest to be President. We know, now sadly, that he has lost the ability to speak the truth, even to himself. We did not hold him accountable when we had the chance back in '92, and again in '96; instead, we nodded as he blamed others and we accepted the excuses of those he used to cover for him -- his mother, his wife, his sycophants, his political pit bulls. Now, even if by some miracle he is truly sorry, we will never believe him. Just like we never believed Eddie Haskell.

What this impeachment process is teaching us is that Bill Clinton's judge and jury are just like him. They single-mindedly pursue their own ambitious agendas; they are self-serving under the guise of sanctimonious rhetoric; many have skeletons being exposed either against their will or by their confession at the 11th hour before the media makes them public. All then apologize to "my family, my friends, and to those voters who believed in me" and assume they've exonerated themselves.

Rep. Paul Kanjorski, D-Pa., commenting on House Speaker-designate Rep. Bob Livingston's decision to step aside after admitting to affairs during his 33-year marriage, said:

"If we don't stop this desire not only for impeachment and recrimination but for the crucifixion of our political leadership in this country, there are going to be tough times ahead."

Tough times are already here, Mr. Congressman. That kind of pass-the-buck, kill-the-messenger attitude no longer suffices. It's not the public or the process that's flawed, it's the narcissistic, amoral and arrogant attitude of those who seek, achieve and then abuse their public trust. We have to stop electing Eddie Haskell to lead us and send Wally instead.

© Copyright 1998-2000 The Women Syndicate. The content on these pages is the property of The Women Syndicate and may not be used without express permission. Contact friends@tadbartimus.com